Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
I recall the time that I found so much hope in the church, like there are people who will finally take care of me, and I can relax into my authentic self. Growing up in a family where I was the primary caretaker of myself, having a place to go several times a week where I was given clear instruction on how to better my life was relieving.
That saved a wretch like me.
We were told that we were broken, and only God could help restore us. The more broken people were the closer to God they became. As a girl who viewed herself as broken, this framework worked well for me. This worked in reverse as well, the church continued to remind us youth how broken we were and how far from perfection we were.
I once was lost, but now I’m found.
If we followed a certain guide, whatever the leadership laid out, we could find salvation. Especially if we gave all our time, all our energy to spiritual things. But be careful, because if you gave too much, you could be calling attention to yourself. That’s “soulful.” (Being led by your flesh.)
Once blind, but now I see.
I’m just coming out of this view, starting to see the church and its leadership as the abusive, misguided people they were. Warping the goodness of others to serve their interests.