These past weeks have been hard, friends.
I’ve been hurting, my soul has been hurting, my body has been hurting.
What people don’t talk about much as much is how depression/anxiety can manifest in your body as aches, pains, migraines and general exhaustion.
I’ve been living in a 10×10 room for much of these past few weeks. Looking as the world passes me by. At times I have enough energy to shower, to eat. Most days I only leave the house if I have an appointment. Most days I only shower when I have to leave the house for an appointment. It’s a planned life.
I wake up exhausted, I go to bed awake.
My husband has been holding our home together when he is home, while I hold down my bed. He parents, he cooks, he has taken on the administration that I typically do.
The times I feel most alive are in real conversation with my friends, which are rare right now due to the amount of exhaustion and effort it takes to arrange. Recently I met with a friend on my couch for a couple hours and it was just lovely.
We all just desire connection, understanding, truth, authenticity. So right now this is me.