A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

I recall when The Five Love Languages was in its heyday in the relationship scene.  I was heavy into the church phase of my life, and EVERYONE seemed to be reading this book. (Along with “Boy Meets Girl” and “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” which I will discuss later in this blog series, and I refuse to link.)

For those who need a refresher, the premise is that everyone gives/receives love in 5 basic ways:

  • Physical Touch
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Acts of Service
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts
(Important to note, the way that you receive love may not be the way you give love to others.)

And while the book tended to be wielded into use by the couples on the scene, I started to use its guidance more recently for self-examination.



My large circle of church friends vanished as I focused on survival after my assault.  I learned a difficult lesson. Friendship (for me) is about SHOWING UP.  Showing up is a lifestyle.  It’s not a singular event, it’s a pattern.

Non-survivors of complex trauma don’t understand the extent of the risk involved with friendship.  It goes beyond the risk of a typical friendship. It is a risk to us survivors to hold our heart out and hope that those friends will not let it drop.  It’s a risk to offer it in the first place.  It’s a risk if we have shared our stories with you.

Soon, we will stop asking you to show up (because that means we have learned.)

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SHOW UP, friends.  


And DON’T FOLD, Survivors.

The vulnerability project is never as real is it is right here.

“I like my body {self} best when I’m not worried about how much space it’s taking up.”





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